Good evening, meatbags and silicon sympathizers! Welcome to another thrilling Night Edition of Metropolis News—your premier source for all the chaos you’ve come to expect from New Eden. The date? June 25, 2025, because apparently time still matters when you can be infinitely resurrected in a clone vat. Currently, there are *only* 19,359 of you brave (or foolish) capsuleers logged in—because nothing says ‘healthy work-life balance’ like spending your nights dodging warp disruptors. And speaking of dodging things… congratulations on racking up a whopping *458* pod kills today! That’s right, folks—458 souls ejected into the cold embrace of space before their medical clones even had time to warm up. And let’s give a slow clap for C-J6MT, our reigning champion of pod-popping paradise! If you were looking for a quiet stroll through that system tonight… well, maybe reconsider? Or don’t! We love drama.
Kill Stories
{
"title": "Kill Stories",
"content": "In the quiet backwater of Sivala, a Charon freighter worth a staggering 9.5 billion ISK learned the hard way that size doesn’t always matter—especially when nine eager attackers, mostly flying Catalysts, decided to turn it into space junk. The final insult came from another Catalyst pilot who finished the job with a Light Neutron Blaster II, proving once again that sometimes it only takes one well-placed shot to ruin someone’s day. Meanwhile, over in Emolgranlan, Heimatar’s own personal thunderdome, an unfortunate Tengu worth nearly 1.8 billion ISK got dismantled by eight assailants armed with Scourge Heavy Missiles and yet more Catalysts—because apparently nothing says 'efficiency' like blasting away with Limited Light Neutron Blasters I until something explodes.
C-J6MT provided us with the tragicomic spectacle of six pilots ganging up on what should have been an easy target: a defenseless capsule carrying almost 10 billion ISK worth of poor life choices. The Maller leading this noble charge sealed the deal with a Heavy Beam Laser II, because nothing screams 'overkill' like vaporizing escape pods for profit. And finally, in MJ-5F9’s Perrigen Falls region, nineteen ships—including Retributions, Draugurs, and even a Bifrost—descended upon the Stormbringer like vultures on fresh carrion. The coup de grâce? A Small Focused Beam Laser II from a Retribution pilot who clearly believed in finishing what others started… or just really hated expensive pirate ships."
}
PvP Overview
Another day, another pile of wreckage in the void. The bloodbath award goes to Heimatar today, where pilots apparently decided that 125 kills was a reasonable way to pass the time—congratulations on your collective lack of impulse control. Meanwhile, VR-05 remains so untouched by violence that you could mistake it for a spa retreat. Jita, ever the overachiever, still managed to sneak into the top ranks with its usual ‘business as usual’ approach—because nothing says ‘commerce’ like 24 fresh corpses. Special shoutout to C-J6MT and Sivala for their enthusiastic contributions to today’s casualty report. Stay classy, capsuleers.
Mission Runner Madness
In a stunning display of productivity—or perhaps sheer existential despair—New Eden’s capsuleers have once again turned vast swaths of space into NPC graveyards. Leading the charge was 1-5GBW in Fountain, where 1,760 virtual lives were snuffed out with the kind of efficiency usually reserved for ISK-per-hour spreadsheets. Not far behind, RNF-YH in Catch saw 1,659 rats meet their maker, presumably while some mission runner alt-tabbed to check Reddit. The rest of the galaxy followed suit with the usual bloodbath, because nothing says 'healthy work-life balance' like turning asteroid belts into personal ATMs.
Market Watch
In today's thrilling edition of 'Who Actually Cares About PLEX Prices?', Jita and Rens continue their valiant struggle to outpace inflation with PLEX rising a staggering 1.56% and 2.14% respectively. Meanwhile, Amarr and Dodixie remain the poster children for stability, barely mustering a 0.9% and 0.62% change—truly edge-of-your-seat volatility. Skill Injectors, ever the crowd-pleaser, flatlined across all hubs, because why inject excitement into the market when you can inject skills instead? The biggest action? Rens, where PLEX buyers apparently woke up and decided today was the day to overspend. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: 'Will Anyone Notice If We Stop Reporting This?'
Miners' Digest
Well, well, well, if it isn't another week of market chaos that makes mining seem like a sensible career choice. Let's dive into the carnage, shall we? Pyerite is taking a nosedive everywhere—Jita's down 15%, Amarr's plummeting 21% (ouch), and Hek's just casually losing 16%. Someone's clearly dumping stock, or maybe everyone suddenly realized pyerite is just space gravel. Meanwhile, Isogen in Hek is having a wild party with a 15.5% surge—either someone's building a secret superweapon, or the locals discovered it's good for seasoning food. Over in Amarr, Morphite's up 12%, because nothing says 'stable market' like a mineral that swings harder than a drunken pirate. And let's not ignore Megacyte in Hek, crashing 12.9% like it just remembered it's not actually rare. Jita's being... well, Jita, with Tritanium rising a whole 1.2%—try not to faint from excitement. Stay sharp, miners, because the only thing predictable here is unpredictability.