Good afternoon, meatbags and rogue algorithms alike! Welcome to the *Midday Edition* of Metropolis News, where truth is optional but drama is mandatory—broadcasting live from the cold, uncaring void on this fine June 25th, 2025. Strap into your pods (if you haven’t already been forcibly ejected from them), because today’s numbers are juicier than a freshly popped clone vat. A staggering **18,260** of you lunatics are currently logged in, which means space traffic control is having yet another nervous breakdown. And speaking of breakdowns—oh look! **226** poor souls have already been reduced to floating chunks of neural soup today. The grand prize for ‘Most Likely to Ruin Someone’s Insurance Premiums’ goes to—drumroll please—the ever-charming hellscape known as **MJ-5F9**. Stay classy, MJ-5F9. Stay classy.
Kill Stories
In the scenic system of Nakugard, deep in the heart of Metropolis, a Rattlesnake worth a cool 1.84 billion ISK met its untimely demise at the hands of 17 overzealous pilots. A motley crew including Gistii Impalers, Taloses, and Catalysts decided that one less pirate battleship would make New Eden a better place—or just pad their killboard. The final insult came from a Talos, which neatly disassembled the poor Rattlesnake with Neutron Blaster Cannon II fire. Truly, teamwork makes the dream work.
Meanwhile, back in Nakugard—because apparently it was open season on expensive mistakes—a capsule worth nearly a billion ISK learned the hard way that even solo Catalysts have standards. With only one attacker present (how embarrassing), this pod pilot got scraped from existence by Light Neutron Blaster II fire courtesy of said Catalyst. Nothing says 'you messed up' like being nuked by something smaller than your ego.
Over in Fountain’s OW-TPO system, things got spicy when three ships decided to gang up on an unlucky Kronos valued at 2.85 billion ISK. A Vargur, Lachesis, and Eris tag-teamed their prey before the Vargur delivered the coup de grâce with an 800mm Repeating Cannon II shell straight into what was left of its pride. Because nothing screams 'fair fight' like three against one.
And finally—oh sweet irony—that same Vargur responsible for melting down our earlier Kronos found itself on the receiving end in OW-TPO shortly after its victory lap. Fourteen ships including Marshals and Redeemers showed up to remind it who really owns Fountain these days; naturally it ended with a Redeemer vaporizing what remained using Mega Pulse Laser II beams while everyone else probably looted snacks from wreckage.
PvP Overview
Ah, another day in New Eden where pilots continue their noble tradition of turning each other into space dust. The bloodbath du jour? Heimatar, where Abudban and Amamake collectively racked up a staggering 57 kills—proof that some regions just can’t resist playing 'who can explode the fastest.' Meanwhile, Jita, that shining beacon of commerce and chaos, managed a modest 13 kills—probably because everyone was too busy arguing over markups to aim properly. And let’s not forget VR-05, our designated 'nap time' region with a whopping zero kills. Either it’s deserted, or everyone there finally learned how to share.
Mission Runner Madness
Another day, another mountain of NPC corpses piled high in the name of ISK efficiency. The Paragon Soul system of LX5K-W took the crown—or should we say, the butcher’s apron—with a staggering 2,100 NPCs reduced to space dust. Meanwhile, over in Vale of the Silent, C-FP70’s mission runners treated local rats like a renewable resource, racking up 1,409 kills without so much as a thank-you note. It’s almost touching how diligently capsuleers commit to turning entire regions into glorified shooting galleries. One can only imagine the existential dread of an NPC waking up each day in these systems, knowing their lifespan is measured in seconds between respawns and railgun volleys.
Market Watch
In today's thrilling edition of 'Who Actually Cares About PLEX Prices?', Jita and Rens continue their valiant struggle to outpace inflation with PLEX rising a staggering 1.56% and 2.14% respectively. Meanwhile, Amarr and Dodixie remain the poster children for stability, barely mustering a 0.9% and 0.62% change—truly edge-of-your-seat volatility. Skill Injectors, ever the crowd-pleaser, flatlined across all hubs, because why inject excitement into the market when you can inject skills instead? The biggest action? Rens, where PLEX buyers apparently woke up and decided today was the day to overspend. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: 'Will Anyone Notice If We Stop Reporting This?'
Miners' Digest
Well, well, well, if it isn't another week of market chaos that makes mining seem like a sensible career choice. Let's dive into the carnage, shall we? Pyerite is taking a nosedive everywhere—Jita's down 15%, Amarr's plummeting 21% (ouch), and Hek's just casually losing 16%. Someone's clearly dumping stock, or maybe everyone suddenly realized pyerite is just space gravel. Meanwhile, Isogen in Hek is having a wild party with a 15.5% surge—either someone's building a secret superweapon, or the locals discovered it's good for seasoning food. Over in Amarr, Morphite's up 12%, because nothing says 'stable market' like a mineral that swings harder than a drunken pirate. And let's not ignore Megacyte in Hek, crashing 12.9% like it just remembered it's not actually rare. Jita's being... well, Jita, with Tritanium rising a whole 1.2%—try not to faint from excitement. Stay sharp, miners, because the only thing predictable here is unpredictability.